Cortland Standard .net

By COLLEEN SIUZDAK
Staff Reporter
csiuzdak@cortlandstandard.net
With the recent deaths of three Cortland High School students, Cortland County officials say there are various ways to support the families of the victims and help anyone struggling to cope with the loss.
Jennifer O’Callaghan, coordinator for the Cortland County Trauma Response Team, said Monday it is important for people to try to get back to a normal routine to help move forward after unpredictable tragedies.
O’Callaghan added there are positive ways to cope with death and to help support the families of the victims in different ways. She noted it is natural for people to feel “helpless” when tragic events happen.
“They want to help the family and also it’s helping themselves, that’s a good thing,” O’Callaghan said. “People feel helpless, so they want to do something to help.”
Some of the ways to help support a family who has lost someone, O’Callaghan said, include making food for them, sending cards with positive messages, and even setting up a GoFundMe account to help with burial costs. Another idea, O’Callaghan said, is to use the GoFundMe account to set up a scholarship in theperson’s name.
Andrea Czimmer and Alexis “Lexi” Porter, both 17, died in a one-vehicle rollover May 22 on Interstate 81. The accident left Czimmer, the driver, dead at the scene.
Porter was transported to University Hospital in Syracuse, where she was pronounced dead. Both funerals were last week at St. Mary’s Catholic Church.
High school junior Amie Leland, 16, also died last month. Michael Hammond II, 23, of Virgil, is accused of murdering Leland in her home on May 8.
The Cortland County Trauma Response Team has been working with high schools to provide support for students, parents, and staff to help them work through the difficult times surrounding all three deaths.
The team, which is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, year-round, offers this kind of support after a traumatic event. The services the group provides are especially important because few places have an organized plan of response to a traumatic incident or people trained to assist others through the trauma.
Although O’Callaghan thinks people do have good intentions when setting up memorials and making bracelets and T-shirts, she said people should first stop and think about the impact of those things on individuals who are “emotionally vulnerable.” People may actually be upset by seeing those images or names repeatedly, she pointed out.
Other counseling officials agree that community members need to return to their normal routines to better cope with tragedy.
Positive focus urged
Dr. Charles Capanzano, a psychologist with the Counseling Services of Cortland, said Monday that grief is a normal reaction, but he said people, especially youngsters, should focus on the positive memories and try to refrain from any negative thoughts.
“It’s not to deny the feelings of loss but to adjust your thought sequences on a positive note,” Capanzano said, adding students should instead think of how great it was to know that person. “When concentrating on such thoughts (as) the unfairness of death ... it’s certainly more difficult to refrain (from negative thoughts).”
Regarding the T-shirts and bracelets that sometimes are distributed after someone has died, Capanzano said the impact of those images varies with each individual. It depends on each person, whether they are triggered into negative emotions by seeing those images repeatedly.
At Leland’s vigil at Suggett Park May 18, T-shirts were made and sold to help raise money for the family.
“Different objects can be triggers, but it depends on the individual’s way of processing the triggers,” Capanzano said.
Family Counseling Services of Cortland County has joined forces with the CCTRT to ensure that community members have adequate support in the grieving process.
Mary Gale Gurnsey, the marriage and family therapist for FCSCC, said Tuesday afternoon that other alternatives to making T-shirts and bracelets would be for students to grieve more privately. For example, making a picture collage of the person or having a private memorial with family and friends.
“When kids are grieving, they like to do things visually constructive ... (such as) putting together some pictures ... but not necessarily public where it would be triggering other students,” Gurnsey said, adding students can also join a grief group if they need that extra support.
Gurnsey added that right now, people are still in shock after the deaths of the three students and she stressed that people go through stages of grief in different ways, with no particular order. The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Capanzano said it is OK for students to move on and continue the school year as planned without feeling guilt about attempting to enjoy life.
“I’m sure the departed three individuals would want nothing less than that for their friends ... to be honored by them in a positive way,” Capanzano said. “Certainly, we don’t have to dwell on death but we (can) dwell on life ... and live in the present.”
Although the funerals and calling hours are done, O’Callaghan said she wants the community to remember the response team is available on a call-in basis to work with anyone who needs it. She added that the amount of support people need after a tragic event depends on the individuals’ previous experiences of loss or if they were close to the person who died.
“It’s OK to ask,” O’Callaghan said, adding people who are struggling to get back to a normal routine should call the team.
“I think that’s what people forget.”
O’Callaghan welcomes individuals or groups who have experienced a traumatic event, or would like more information about the services CCTRT offers, to call her at607-229-8237.